Monday, November 7, 2011


Perhaps you had in-laws that you loved and they have taken the divorce hard.  Or maybe they haven't accepted the divorce at all or your Ex's new Not You.  They want you at the big family holiday shindig.  They insist.  They whine, beg, cajole, and guilt you with what about the kids, oh we still love you and you are still our family. But the truth is you are not.   It's one more thing you believe you lost in the divorce... extended family....your Ex's people.

The way forward is with a broken heart.  Own that and move forward.  Yes you are losing extended family in the sense that you are no longer a legal part of the fabric.  But who's to say that you can't start new traditions that honor your relationship and connection to the in-laws and giving you a respectful distance from your Ex and perhaps the new Not You.

Divorce can be a time of great creativity if you allow yourself to focus on abundance rather than lack and loss.  Tapping into your creative energy in the midst of divorce will require you to push past your hurt and refocus your attention on what you want for yourself.  If those in-law relationships are important and sacred to you, then take the time to honor them from a place of well-being and peace.  Moping around, sullen and aggravated is not going to do anything for anyone let alone you.

If you are still hoping to shame your ex by showing up and trying to point out what they have lost in divorcing you, then you are not ready to embrace your creative energy.  If this is your thinking or your goal, it is a fool's plan.  Take head and move in another direction.  All we have is this moment.  Wasting it on trying to convince someone else that they were wrong to leave you is wasted energy.  You do not have to be held hostage by the past.  You can absolutely create new traditions and extended family celebrations that do not run interference or compete with longstanding family traditions.

The holidays will be upon us in a matter of weeks.  Tap into that creative energy and see what unfolds.  I know you will be amazed at what your heart desires.