Monday, October 3, 2011

Build Your Healing Community, Seek Your Own Tribe

Divorce forces folks to take sides.  They may not want to, but they do.  And often you are left standing alone like the last kid picked up from daycare.  Everyone means well, but you cause a shift in the social circles and well, my dear no one wants to make hard choices about inviting you or your ex.  So you get left out.  Or The Ex gets left out.  In the end someone gets left out.

This is the time to create a new circle of friends.  Discover a new tribe.  Build your community of support with what you know now and what you need now.  Oh it sounds harder than it is. I am not suggesting you give up your old posse.  You just have to understand that those relationships have changed and you have to make room for the changes or you will be sad, miserable and lonely.  Keep all the positive folks around and ditch the folks who don't have your best interest at heart.  Now is the time to give up pretense because they were connected to your ex and you don't have to deal with them anymore.

So what do you do?  Look around for things and events that interest you.  Check your Church bulletin, community papers and newsletters.   There are groups everywhere doing something that might be of interest.  I started a support group... Eat Drink Divorce a Table Fellowship.  We can be found on 

Eat Drink Divorce exists to support women and men in various stages of divorce. Each gathering will welcome and encourage sharing our stories of divorce in a safe and peaceful setting through a facilitated theme of feasting. Yes FEASTING!  Anyway, I just decided to create the community I needed for this leg of my journey.  It seems to resonate with folks in a big way because folks show up every month.

Anyway, that is one example of what can be done to build your tribe.  Maybe starting a group isn't your thing, perhaps joining one is more like you.  So get out and join a group.  Allow yourself some room to grow.  Take in the world right in your neighborhood.  Build your healing community! Seek your tribe!

You are not alone! And who knows you may just be showing someone else how to get on with their life!