Wednesday, February 9, 2011


The other day I got pissed with my Ex because of his maddening time management.  He was going to blow off our daughter's game.  I mean he was not going to get her there because he had other things to do.  So I sucked it up and I took her myself.  I couldn't let her not go to her game.  It was unfair.  Yes it was his time with the kids, but I wasn't going to let our daughter suffer because he was ill prepared.

OK here is the epiphany: DIVORCE IS NOT FAIR!  Just as life is not fair.  Divorce is hard and life is hard.  There are moments when we have to sacrifice for the greater good.  And when you're a parent the greater good will always be for the sake of your kids.  Now don't get me wrong, I am not martyring momma...I could have easily said to hell with it, if he's not going to take her when he's on the clock then I am not charging in to save the day.  But this was bigger than his poor time management skills and my desperate need for adult mommy time.

Just because I was righteous in my wanting to make sure our daughter got to her game, doesn't mean I am always that way.  I can be petty and selfish too...just not nearly as often.

Look the point is DIVORCE IS NOT FAIR.  Even after the papers have been filed and signed there will be moments of feeling angry, pissed off and just plain fighting mad.  Once you know your truth nothing can shake you from your grace.  I know divorce is unfair, but so what.  I did what I had to do and all was well.  Trying to shame my  Ex over his poor time management is not my deal anymore.  I was able to rise to the occasion this time and make an unfair act a win-win for our daughter, me and her dad.

There is only moving forward and becoming more of my bold self. I am concerned with thriving and growing in love with myself and the world.  Holding onto mess will keep me tied to mess.  Divorce is not fair.  Own that and keep it moving.


Big Mark 243 said...

I don't know if I should be commenting on this topic... but I am...

I think the reason that a woman like you, who does go out and suck it up to be the parent may feel uncomfortable with 'martydom', is so many single parents tend to claim the rights of someone who is handling things when they aren't. The evidence can be seen in high school, unemployment offices and jail cells throughout the country.

As far as men in this equation... for me the guilt is going to follow me the rest of my days. I regret that I did not hang in longer with my ex-wife... and we could have raised our girls (she had one from a previous relationship) and made a better attempt at being a family.

Maybe that is part of why it isn't fair... jus' sayin'...