Monday, August 9, 2010

IT TAKES A VILLAGE...

I don’t have to tell anyone who has gone through a divorce how hard and sad it is. Even if you wanted the divorce, it is still sad to end something that started out with so much promise. Here we are divorcing, divorced or contemplating divorce. We feel like we are stranded on a deserted island with not rescue in sight. That image alone is enough to depress you. UUgghh!

Some of us start to feel like we are draining our friends and family. The sound of our own voices is enough to make us sicker and more depressed. We start to move into a place of hopelessness. This is where we have to be proactive and own our lives and create the support systems we need. We all need support. Divorcing people need a lot of it, because divorce is its own personal tsunami.

It takes a village to get through divorce. But you have to build it. You have to surround yourself with people who understand what you are going through and can give you the real talk when they see you stuck. Creating a healing community for yourself isn’t about replacing long standing friendships, or avoiding family who genuinely care about you. It is broadening your circle of support to help get you through this transition. I am not suggesting you seek out a commiserate spirit who sits with you at the Bar and drinks you under the table as you pour out your divorce tale. No, what I am advocating for is that you seek out opportunities and events that open the door for you to seek enlightenment and peace and support. Get into a peer support group, or find a good therapist who works with folks getting divorced.

In this day and age support is so close. Get the support you need, build that village and get back to the life of your dreams.

2 comments:

Big Mark 243 said...

au contraire, madamoiselle!! The illusion is that the support one needs is at hand. I used to think the same thing but was sorely disappointed in the number of people (including myself) that it was not so for. This applies even for those who attempted to build such a network as well as those who did not have the materiel to build such a network.

Lovebabz said...

Big Mark 243

This is rare...but I am disagreeing with you. I do think that while going through divorce or adversity of any kind having a support system in place to help you stay connected and moving forward is critical. No one can make it out here alone. Creating a healing community to help make life in transition bearable is what we are designed to do as humans. "I get by with a little help from my friends"

Yes some folks have trouble connecting with support, mostly because they are picking the wrong people to confide in and trust. Divorce often calls you to pick a different consort of support to see you through. I am suggesting that in these difficult times, you have to dig in and feel your way into what you need and often that is support from folks who know something about what you are going through.