Monday, November 24, 2014

Happy Thanksgiving!

For some this Thanksgiving might be difficult. For others it might be joyous. Wherever you fall in that spectrum, you are not alone. I hope you have a plan for this holiday. a plan of what you are going to do and who you are going to spend it with. Having a plan ensures that you are not left alone, that you have some options. Take advantage of your support systems, allow yourself to be cared for. Say yes to invitations. And if you do decided to stay alone, use your time to connect with you inner self. Give yourself what you need.

Have a safe and peaceful Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

I Want Nothing But the Best For You...

I am in that place of definitive clarity. I have let folks go and wished them well. To me that is a real sign of self care and love of myself. I do not languish wondering what happened.  I am not beating my head against a brick wall. No one can take me on a rollercoaster ride of emotional bullshit. I am not auditioning for the role of number one anything, except to be the star in my own life.

I am not one to suffer. I am no one who takes delight in being at someone's beck and call.

I am free.  No one can hold me hostage with their indecisive bullshit. I know longer entertain double talk, wishes or manipulative tactics that keep me hoping for what never will be.

When you walk away from someone... shut the door. In time you will wish them well from another realm. They do not have to occupy your universe. You do not have to come running because they call. When you are dangled by a thread someone else holds, you are not free. They own you. Perhaps you like being owned, find out, ask yourself.What do your actions say? I do know that unfinished business is addictive. It gives you false hope... And it may make you feel noble. Maybe you want to feel like the bigger/better person by not slamming the door on someone else's bullshit. Maybe you just like the perpetual state of maybe/hope/possibility.

All I know is, I love the freedom I worked so hard to master. I love my ability to have peace in all areas of my life. And in having peace all I want is someone showing up peaceful.

Try this on... practice this thought: I want nothing but the best for you. May everything you ever wanted and dreamed for yourself manifest itself in your life. My part of your journey has ended. Your part in my story comes to an end. I have let go. And You have let go. Good bye.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

Seize The Moment!

Waiting on someone else to make a decision about what to do about you is another way of just waiting and wasting time.

WHAT DO YOU WANT? And no you can't make anyone be for you. Reconsider allowing someone to string you along... be indecisive....waiting for something better than you to come along... all the while keeping you near. You probably experienced some of that before the talk of divorce became real. Maybe you were the one indecisive and fearful... hedging your bets. Stringing someone along or being strung along. It all wastes your time and turns your focus toward what "they" want and less about what YOU want.

Here's what I know you for sure: YOU DON'T OWE ANYONE YOUR TIME!

You have got to seize the moment and start living as if all you have is right now. All you have is right now. Don't regret all the wasted time focusing on someone or something that isn't choosing you first and foremost. Divorce is a way for you to choose you.

Start choosing you!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Languishing Away Is Not The Goal!

I get it... you find yourself stuck in that story of loss and lack. I have stood in that story for longer than I care to share. This divorce you are going through is the end of one particular thing... your marriage.  It is not the end of all things. It is not the end of hopes, wishes, dreams, determination, motivation,  or love. And yes, this divorce hurts, even if you initiated it.  it is still the end of something that held a great deal of promise. But ending it is and here you are. Feeling alone, tired and second guessing what you could've done differently better. There are moments when I look back still and I think for a few seconds if only... But I know better and quickly turn my attention toward where I am today. I like moving forward. I am at my best moving forward. Life holds so much mystery and adventure... all in the ordinary.

I invite you to not waste another moment of your precious life raking yourself over the coals. Elevate yourself. Imagine a new life... new experiences... leave this old life behind. I know easier said than done. For me I find big sweeping change works... for you it might mean small steps... sticky notes of plans. It doesn't matter, the point is to turn your attention inward and move yourself forward.

Take the time you need to mourn. But don't waste another moment languishing away.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

You Have the Power To Decide

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

The Closure Is Letting Go of Seeking Closure

Everyone believes closure is the great end all of things,
but not if it holds you hostage by spending time chasing for closure.
When really if you owned yourself
the closure is in letting go.
Let go. That's the closure. -Babz Rawls Ivy, Spiritual Director, Path Illuming

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Let The Life You Want Emerge

Divorce is still this scary life changing thing. Even if it's not yours and you know someone who is going though a divorce, you can see and feel the pain and intensity of losing what used to be.

I encourage anyone in a divorcing situation to spend some time looking at this from another place. Perhaps there is a new life emerging that is really your true life emerging. I invite you to look from a different vantage point...take a step left or right and see something else. Look beyond the current pain and mess. You can come back to it... leave it for a moment. Imagine a life of your own making... you as the sole decision maker. What could you do, now that it's all about you?

Yes, perhaps you have children, career, parents, friends, mortgage, tuition, bills and whatever else. Set those things aside, make room in your mind for a daydream of your own. Take a few minutes each day and just find the freedom in your mind. as you do this consistently you will feel compelled to move in that direction.

Let the life destined for you emerge. Allow yourself a little bit of time to open the door little by little to those long held dreams. Nothing is impossible and you can always always change direction.